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I does what now?
Apr. 6th, 2012 10:05 amTwo recent FB posts start to sum up some of the recent changes:
My hunger used to only have two settings: not hungry and starving. With the recent shifts in medication I now have settings like "a little bit hungry," "a little bit full," and this weird brand new setting called "I think I'm going to be hungry in about half an hour." Until this week I thought when people said that they were making it up! Wow!
and
My brain just did a funny thing. I was standing in front of cake that Tia's dad made and just behind it is the fruit bowl. My belly said, "... mmmm.... apple pear...." a la Homer Simpson. Then my brain said, "Wait. What!?" But it was too late, I had already crunched into the apple-pear. Too bad cake, you lose this round!
Additionally I touched the cake and thought maybe I'd have a bite as well, but my stomach got a bit sick and I knew that the cake would make me feel bad. Just like that.
It seems like my sensitivity is returning and coming to the surface in useful ways.
My body is signaling me in useful and surprising ways.
I keep thinking that other people might have this experience regularly and wonder just how far off my body has been.
I also managed to go home from an event last night before the end of it. Just say my goodbyes and leave because I was tired and not influenced by other people, even amazing other people. It's like I'm actually home in my body for the first time.
I took Kiddo to park day yesterday and he had a great time and finally connected into the teen group and got a couple of phone numbers. It occurs to me this morning that maybe his development was contingent upon mine. Now that I'm growing and changing rapidly again, so can he. And he can do so without worrying about me because I'm all set.
This morning I was also digging my single life. I mean I have a great boyfriend, but he's far away and i have a couple of other connections, but no one else is living here and I'm not beholden to or dependent on anyone else. I can sleep sprawled out in bed and take up all the space. I don't have to listen to anyone else snore and can go to bed and get up when I want! It's pretty great actually.
And earlier this week I got in touch with some loneliness as well which was kind of awesome. I've not really felt lonely in a long time. I've been crying pretty much every day. Not big sobbing crying, just little bits here and there as things touch me.
I'll end with one last FB update from earlier this week:
Yesterday on my way to Marin I found myself singing love songs to myself and soaking up the love. Today I really enjoyed making a kale omlette with leeks and onions and garlic inspired by Ian Waisler. I feel happy, content even. Something has definitely changed!
My hunger used to only have two settings: not hungry and starving. With the recent shifts in medication I now have settings like "a little bit hungry," "a little bit full," and this weird brand new setting called "I think I'm going to be hungry in about half an hour." Until this week I thought when people said that they were making it up! Wow!
and
My brain just did a funny thing. I was standing in front of cake that Tia's dad made and just behind it is the fruit bowl. My belly said, "... mmmm.... apple pear...." a la Homer Simpson. Then my brain said, "Wait. What!?" But it was too late, I had already crunched into the apple-pear. Too bad cake, you lose this round!
Additionally I touched the cake and thought maybe I'd have a bite as well, but my stomach got a bit sick and I knew that the cake would make me feel bad. Just like that.
It seems like my sensitivity is returning and coming to the surface in useful ways.
My body is signaling me in useful and surprising ways.
I keep thinking that other people might have this experience regularly and wonder just how far off my body has been.
I also managed to go home from an event last night before the end of it. Just say my goodbyes and leave because I was tired and not influenced by other people, even amazing other people. It's like I'm actually home in my body for the first time.
I took Kiddo to park day yesterday and he had a great time and finally connected into the teen group and got a couple of phone numbers. It occurs to me this morning that maybe his development was contingent upon mine. Now that I'm growing and changing rapidly again, so can he. And he can do so without worrying about me because I'm all set.
This morning I was also digging my single life. I mean I have a great boyfriend, but he's far away and i have a couple of other connections, but no one else is living here and I'm not beholden to or dependent on anyone else. I can sleep sprawled out in bed and take up all the space. I don't have to listen to anyone else snore and can go to bed and get up when I want! It's pretty great actually.
And earlier this week I got in touch with some loneliness as well which was kind of awesome. I've not really felt lonely in a long time. I've been crying pretty much every day. Not big sobbing crying, just little bits here and there as things touch me.
I'll end with one last FB update from earlier this week:
Yesterday on my way to Marin I found myself singing love songs to myself and soaking up the love. Today I really enjoyed making a kale omlette with leeks and onions and garlic inspired by Ian Waisler. I feel happy, content even. Something has definitely changed!
Things to remember:
1. You don't like being sick. Do your best to be well. Beg off when you feel it coming. It's worth it to not get this way to begin with.
2. Don't make plans when sick, you will cancel. And since you rarely make plans these days, it makes you feel doubly bad to cancel since you've been feeling scarce there anyway. Give yourself a break.
3. Being sick is a mild form of depression, they don't all hate you, I promise. Probably they don't even mostly hate you. (That's a joke. You'll recognize those again when you're well.)
4. That feeling in your throat is not going to be there forever. I promise. (That is not a joke.)
5. You don't have to clean the house while sick. Give yourself a break.
6. You can order pizza or sushi or take out while sick. Yes, even though you haven't done that in years. Or at least a year. Sick gets special privileges and doesn't have to work so damn hard. Give yourself a break.
7. Don't talk to exes, or other people that might trigger you (like parents) - emotionally or otherwise. See #3. It's not mean, it's good self-care. Give yourself a break.
To sum up: You're sick; Give yourself a break.
Also, you're doing pretty great at the throwing things out bit and being conscious and making connections so as to not to That again (for some value of That).
1. You don't like being sick. Do your best to be well. Beg off when you feel it coming. It's worth it to not get this way to begin with.
2. Don't make plans when sick, you will cancel. And since you rarely make plans these days, it makes you feel doubly bad to cancel since you've been feeling scarce there anyway. Give yourself a break.
3. Being sick is a mild form of depression, they don't all hate you, I promise. Probably they don't even mostly hate you. (That's a joke. You'll recognize those again when you're well.)
4. That feeling in your throat is not going to be there forever. I promise. (That is not a joke.)
5. You don't have to clean the house while sick. Give yourself a break.
6. You can order pizza or sushi or take out while sick. Yes, even though you haven't done that in years. Or at least a year. Sick gets special privileges and doesn't have to work so damn hard. Give yourself a break.
7. Don't talk to exes, or other people that might trigger you (like parents) - emotionally or otherwise. See #3. It's not mean, it's good self-care. Give yourself a break.
To sum up: You're sick; Give yourself a break.
Also, you're doing pretty great at the throwing things out bit and being conscious and making connections so as to not to That again (for some value of That).
