dryadgrl: (Default)
If you want to read about the Principles of Unity and the changes to that, go here.

The facts the Abel writes about are accurate in terms of the PoU. I'm actually in agreement with the results.

What I realized is that it's not the PoU that's bothered me. Once folks started talking about being inclusive of all gender identities, I knew it would be fine. But the manfiestation part is still bothering me.

We are not currently any good at being inclusive in an actual manifest way. This was made really clear to me by the D5 organizers scheduling over Witchlets, one of the few camps that were actually within range of the event.

When I went on to think about it further, I reflected on my concerns all along about secrecy, lack of transparency which are the primary ways that the SF Bay Area piece of Reclaiming has used to deal with creating a barrier to accessing (and being involved in) leadership.

In the Bay, Reclaiming is run by the Wheel which makes administrative decisions. But the only people who ever get to know about those decisions are either the reps that come to the meetings or the people bringing a particular issue. The notes are not published anywhere. So even when there are notes, they might go to the reps to take to the cells that sent them. But folks that aren't doing much work or aren't on a cell never get to see what's happening.

That's true of many cells and of things like the CRAFT cell where it's gotten to the point that many people can't even figure out how to be teachers in Reclaiming.

When I've inquired about this i've been told that if we did publish things people would want a say and bad things could happen to the process. It would get mired down! Things would crawl or halt to deal with the tidal wave of comments and pushback from the community (or from some small but vocal subset).

As far as I can tell what's really going on is that people would want to talk about it, but because there is such a focus on secrecy rather than transparency leadership has not learned to have good boundaries and instead relies on people not knowing and slight of hand communication to protect it from the writhing masses who would as questions and want to be involved.

So instead of hierarchy, Reclaiming has secrecy. If we have the intent of creating and moving towards the world that we want to see.

For my part, I realized that my request to the organizers for confidentiality about our no-go mediation situation a while back was not the right thing. If more people had been involved or felt like they could speak up, we'd be having a very different conversation. I would have had more out right support and whether or not the date changed, there would have been more conversation about it and peer pressure might have made some changes.

I am still angry about it and I won't work on it again. And while I'm not sure if it was the right thing to cut off all of those friendships because of the terrible unrelenting pain that I was in, it's done and not one of them has asked to talk to me individually or wanted to pursue off line conversation. In fact not one of them contacted me personally to talk about any of it at any time, which for me is evidence that the friendships were just not that important to them. That's my upset and my reflection of friendships and relationships in Reclaiming.

So I want transparency and I want to do away with institutional secrecy. It just doesn't serve a community that claims that it's trying to change the world. Secrecy is a tool of oppression and violence and not something that I want to be part of.
dryadgrl: (Default)
One of the things I've been reflecting on is my relationship to Reclaiming and what I really want in a spiritual tradition.

I've stopped volunteering and taken myself off of all of the lists and stepped away from all the politics. Being just a person was so much easy - in so many ways. No politics to worry about, I didn't need to worry about offending anyone or working relationships. I just did exactly what I wanted to do.

I helped out when I wanted to and was available and didn't when I wasn't interested. I focused a lot on my son and making sure he got rest and sleep and engagement. I rested and recovered and connected with friends.

I did not go to meetings. I did not feel bad about not going to meetings.

I felt a lot more at choice in some ways. I didn't realize that I could let go so much and still be engaged in relationships. There's a hyper vigilance that seems to be calming down in my life. But I decided to not engage any of the D5 stuff or the all camp meeting or ritual planning or even showing up at rituals unless it served me.

If I'm seeking peace and calm and love, what does it take to have that? How does that engage my activism? I don't want to give up seeking the truth and seeking justice and alignment; I don't want fight any more. So I'm starting to seek a path that really serves all of me.

I don't know if that will be in Reclaiming, that tradition itself is a bit at war about activism and it's place in the tradition in some ways and so in that way the tradition is a match for where I find myself just now.

And there's a lot about transparency and inclusivity that do not get focus or time and that's hard for me. But if I'm not engaging the politics maybe that will continue to die down.

I also want more time for reflection and that's going to have to come from somewhere. At the moment I think that somewhere is teevee and internet time. I really want to get rid of cable teevee to be honest. I think it takes up far too much of household time. Internet as well. I can't get rid of it from the house because i work here, but some days I want to. Maybe I could unplug it on the weekends or something so that the focus comes back to the people and our development.

What this comes down to for me is that I don't have to leave Reclaiming as a practitioner, for now. Kiddo is talking about going to Ca camp in 2 years when he can and wanting to go to Wintercamp and to see Kilgore, Owen and Angela in the winter. Connecting with community is one of the things I've always wanted for Kiddo and he's loving doing it just as I've been having my crisis of community. And because of him I'm not leaving entirely. For now anyway.

But I am not volunteering for anything in the community. I am working in another community and that's more than enough for now.
dryadgrl: (Default)
I unsubscribed from the last of the Reclaiming organizing lists today. Today I let got of the e-cell (the online organizing stuff), Rcorrespondence (where I was answering queries from the outside world), and the Wheel (the board list that I've been on for the last nearly 4 years). This was after I unsubscribed to the 3 Dandelion lists last week

I'm really sad and I'm grieving; it's the right thing to do.

I haven't been doing anything on them for the last year or so except to occasionally give input. And since I don't feel like I'm contributing or learning, it's time to move on.

I do wish that someone would stop me and tell me I did a good job for all those years and celebrate my contribution to Reclaiming over the last decade. And I know that many people have valued my work and my presence. But it's time to transform this again into a place where I'm choosing my passion and my love. I have that very clearly in my life right now. And so the gift I give myself is not letting anything get in the way of, or distract me from, that love and passion.

So I am choosing this affirmation today:

I stand in the center of my reality as an aspect of the Divine.

I fully embrace my own nature as Love itself.

Let all that wishes to come, come.

Let all that wishes to go, go.

My life unfolds in Divine perfection, exactly on time.

All is well.
dryadgrl: (Default)
I left the admin group for BIRCH today. (It's called BAD HUB)

People decided to take up an issue about Dandelion and obviously snark at me.

I'm done.

I deserve to work with people honor and respect me. I don't need to fight about my values with anyone.

I know what's right for me and what's right for me is to work with people who honor and respect me. Who are willing to talk deeply about what's important to them and who are willing to communicate directly about important things. People value what I value including diversity and families and my contribution.

I'm honoring moving forward by releasing the places where I have pain. I'm honoring the work they want to do by not standing in the way of it. If I don't agree and they are intent on it, I can either block or move on. When I tried to block it went unheard. It took me a long time to learn about this. But since it is a decision I cannot live with, this was not the place for me.

My intention is to free up energy for other things. I'm sad to leave the community because of it, but that's essentially what's happened. Oddly, I've not made many rituals this year - I was with Kiddo at a concert at summer solstice, I'll be traveling for mid-summer, I missed equinox. I've only been to Brigid and May day. I'll probably skip fall equinox in favor of a birthday thing. Having some space from the community that I don't share values with is good.

It's not that I don't have any values in common with them, but the lack of direct communication kills me. Well, I'm reclaiming this energy and things get better or at lead more clear.

I deserve to work with people that make me happy and that I love deeply and who we are mutually willing to work things out together.

This is a way I love myself today.

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