dryadgrl: (Default)
I was over on [livejournal.com profile] dawnd's page and she wrote about heteronormativity and supremacy.

I was eagerly reading it for those reasons when I came across some pieces that struck me pretty profoundly and made me think again about date rape culture and my place (or not) in it.

He's talking about the idea that these folks think that are better than LGBT folks and their marriage choices and he's naming that as supremacy (which I think is a reference to anti-racist work). Let's start with this bit:
Your letter shows:

1) An sense of comfort with yourself as an appropriate judge of my choices, ideas, or behaviors. You think you have to see my point of view or agree with me in order to support my equality. The fact is, you can support my equality under the law even if you disagree with me completely.

You can still get laid even if you don't agree with me stopping your advances. Maybe not by me, but it's still possible.

This way of thinking is the ultimate form of degradation in my opinion and exactly what rapists, date rapists and any one that doesn't support my choices. Rape, by definition, is where someone thinks that they are superior to me and my choices for my body. Their will, their desires supersede mine. And they have the ability to enforce that will. It's the enforcement that means that they can carry privilege and supremacy with impunity.

But it's not just rapists. It's men who don't hear no. And it's men who don't get enthusiastic, on-going consent.

2) An unwillingness to appreciate the inherent inequality in a debate where I have to ask you for equality. To you, even entertaining the idea of my equality is a gesture for which I should be grateful. To me, it’s an indignity that I even have to ask.

If you don't believe number one, you certainly don't believe that my opinion is as valuable as yours. And if you don't think my opinion has the same weight as yours, what conversation are we having exactly? It's not a conversation, it's you broadcasting your opinion. And broadcasting is a one way communication street.

But beyond that it's this idea of noblesse oblige all over again. The powerful, privileged authority suffering others to live. No wonder privileged men date rape or push boundaries! If they are allowing other's to exist then the "them," the "other" (eg women) don't really have any right to exist or have bodies or boundaries or....

3) An unwillingness to acknowledge the stake that you have have in your feeling of superiority rather than blame it on God.</> (Or male hormones or male desire or ideas like "her mouth said no, but her body said yes.")

This last piece is about taking responsibility for one and two. If you don't take responsibility for your sexuality you say stuff and and blame it elsewhere. It's only taking responsibility that changes the conversation at all. Because if you are using any one else's opinions as your own (god's, culture, whatever) then you are not connected to it and there is no discourse. The communication is hollow.

You also don't have to feel or think or really connect. People who cannot form connections to other humans are sociopaths. I guess I have to say here that I don't think all men are or all people who date rape are sociopaths. And I think what we're learning is that many men who do that once learn a lot about who they are and make different choices. Well, good for them. But I still think the cost of privilege is too high.

This is only one piece. But between this and the bit about date rape culture in community we have a bad system set up here. Because men think that it's ok and have the power to enforce whatever that opinion is(as seen above) combined with their communities reinforce that by not calling them on it equals a giant mess of date rape culture.
dryadgrl: (Default)
I know, I'm posting a ton of stuff. I'm processing a bunch of information from the last few days and weeks and putting it here makes it searchable for me.

Do you Suffer from Decision fatigue. This is something I know I've dealt with and I wonder how it effects communities and group decision-making.
dryadgrl: (Default)
So in this last round of "life events" I think I've found a cure for my anxiety.


Or rather nutrients. It sounds strange to me in no small part because I've struggled with food and my body. But my healer putting me on eating every 2 hours in a very strict way, and being clear about what I cannot eat has made a huge difference in my anxiety. As far as I can tell, her food regimen has cured my chronic, long standing, on-going, free form anxiety.

When my healer told me that my anxiety was caused by my cells not getting enough nutrients, I thought she was full of crap. But only for a minute because she's an awesome healer. And now I know, for certain, that she's right. Blood sugar issues cause brain chemicals to change and mood to change. We know that.

But still we insist on giving people drugs for something that cannot be cured or fixed with drugs.

Reduced thyroid function means that my body doesn't metabolize food well. Or sometimes at all, depending on the food. This is what's lead to mood disorder issues for me - namely severe depression and anxiety. My refusal to go on psychoactives has meant that I have to focus on finding other things that work. It's a slow process and mostly what you see on this blog is the down side. I come here to write when I need to release and vent. Most of my life is not release and vent. And I've use this blog less and less over time as I am more and more well.

What I'm eating is not "the way Americans eat" and therefore people think it's not an easy plan - and this is what I think stops people mentally and emotionally more than actually - but it's working. It's working because a lot of folks around me are trying to be healthy, it's working because I'm not letting anyone stop me and it works because I've told my friends that I eat weird things and so we talk about it instead of me hiding in a corner and pretending all is well.

How do I know it works? Because if I eat something outside of the parameters (namely sugar) the next day I feel like shit. When I don't, I feel well. That's it. That's the test. It's not magic, it's just about how I feel day-to-day. I mean isn't that the real test of wellness?

So what am I doing?

No gluten (no wheat, soy, contaminated grains like oatmeal and barley). In general no processed carbs (no bread, even gluten free, no packaged foods), no sugar (no refined sugar and in general no added sugars to food). And then there's the list I don't eat anyway: alcohol and coffee.

In truth I'm eating all of these things sometimes. And by that I mean if I'm out and I want to try the bread, I do. Not a lot, but it's ok for me to eat anything I feel really called to eat as long as I'm checking in with my body.

She says to eat lots of good fats like avocado, coconut, nuts, fish, and eggs. Do NOT cook with olive oil as it goes rancid when cooked - cook with coconut or grapeseed oil. The right fats are critical for cell wall function and protein for me seems to come after that. I eat some protein at every small meal (that doesn't mean meat).

She says to focus on nutrient rich, cooked foods with a little bit of raw every day (a little bit is like a sprig of parsley). Eat "super foods" like seaweed, sprialena, bee pollen, dulse flakes, flax seeds (raw and/or ground - cooking them destroys the oils) and other nuts and seeds - soaked and dried to get rid of the phytates. And organ meats. Lots of veggies, but no goitegens (no things that reduce the thyroid function including cruciferous veggies like broccoli, brussel sprouts, etc). Oh and including fermented things like yogurt, sourkraut, kim chee for digestive support. Lots and lots of veggies and some fruits - namely berries and melons.

Flax seeds reduce inflammation if eaten raw (ground in a smoothie or sprinkled in or on something) and are a great source of good fats.

Even in taking food based supplements these are the necessary changes. Food is medicine. At the very least if I'm taking all these supplements, the food I'm eating needs to be neutral. Sugar causes inflammation. Wheat causes inflammation. I'm finding that even gluten free breads cause inflammation for me. So I stopped eating them.

Eating every two hours has been huge. If I eat every 2 hours my body is more able to take in the nutrients that I am getting. And doing that changed and drastically reduced what I was eating - strange. I don't care as long as my mood is even and I don't et spikes or crashes.

I eat mexican food a fair amount, I make a lot of soups with meat and tons of veggies. I eat bone broths. I'm doing smoothies. I'm drinking MediClear Plus (a medical food - not a food substitute) in addition to food. My body need nutrients.

Part of the reason I'm writing this is because I really want some of the people in my community to take on being well and eating well and learning about food and healing. It also feels hopeless to me because I fear that until they have the experience of knowing they can be well and taking it on, I don't know if they can. It's like a hidden public secret all this food stuff. People know they should, but don't. And it's critical to our lives and health that we take on our own healing.

I have a knot in my belly thinking about this - how much good it can do and how much fear I have that we won't do it on a bigger scale.


dryadgrl: (Default)

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