dryadgrl: (love)
We all have ways that we sabotage our success. I know that dealing with food is on my list. The thyroid meds helped immensely helping me remember to eat because I actually get hungry.
Yesterday I did a big piece of self care.
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She would have been 67.
Yesterday morning I found out that my friend Stacy also lost her battle to cancer.
In the morning I was having insane cravings for chocolate and things I don't usually consider food like twinkies and I could just feel a binge coming on. And when I found out about Stacy I thought it would going to get out of control.

I decided to stop the cleanse I've been on this month, stop for the whole day and consume anything I wanted to. Anything. I just knew that I wasn't going to be able to stick to the cleanse and I didn't want to berate myself as well as having a binge. And my friend Alanna reminded me that tomorrow is a new day. So I decided to give myself a break.
It turns out it wasn't as bad as I feared.
I made a really powerful choice for myself that gave me permission. I wanted nachos so I went and got them. They weren't that great. I went to Tarita's place and had a barbecue with folks.  I did have a piece of cake and I did eat turkey burger patties with bacon. And I did eat potato chips. But that's not terrible actually.
I did get intoxicated which is unusual for me. But I came home and was in bed before midnight. I'm a little hung over today which is usual for more than a little intoxicated (and why I don't normally do this thing.) I didn't eat 3 deserts or over eat.  I actually feel like I did well with food. Not ideal. But  on a day when - by all rights - I should be eating through the refrigerator, eating all the things and blowing up with self hate,  eating what everyone else ate is a fine thing to do.

We'll see how today is - grief is not a one shot deal. But I feel better about taking care of myself.
dryadgrl: (Default)
I talk about this treatment method all the time, but most people don't know what it is. You can learn more about the method here and nothing I could say about it is better than what others have written. On the NAET site they talk a little bit about it here.

I'll talk a little bit about what happens in a treatment and then what it feels like afterwards. The treatment itself uses Applied Kinesiology or muscle testing to find things that you're reactive to. Then the doc uses that clicky thing (an activator, though in this case it's one that does multiple shots at once) and has you breathe different ways as she works on your spine. Then you wait a bit and she puts a light in your eyebrows and the crown of your head and you rub your hands together/wash your hands. It's really quite simple.

What it's doing is described as clearing out the energy of the thing you're reactive to. Most of the issues/reactions I've had around treatments start after I've left the office but I've had some intense experiences right on the table. I had one or two where I was so overwhelmed or shaky that I took a nap in the office before I could drive.

But today's treatment is pretty typical and so I thought I'd write a bit about it. Today she's treating me for iron (in NAET the vile was called "meat mix" and includes beef, pork, gelatin, and iron supplements and maybe something else that I've forgotten).

So I cannot eat or touch anything with iron in it. That includes quite a long list. I can eat light green veggies, cauliflower, chicken, potatoes, rice without iron fortification, sour dough bread without iron, water, orange juice and carrot juice. No gelatin means no capsule supplements. I typically take two different kinds of iron twice a day, one of which is a capsule, both of which are out. My thyroid medication, my mood supplements (Seretone and DL-phenylalanine) are out, blood sugar balance meds are out as are a number of other things.

That means that I have to take care to eat enough and often enough.

Water is often specified because there are some treatments for which you cannot drink anything but distilled water, treatments like heavy metals toxicity.

I'm really badly anemic and have struggled to deal with that especially since the thyroid stuff got bad. It has gotten better and better, but last month I spent 2 days curled up around a heating pad because of the pain and anemia.

Anemia for me feels like weakness, muscle pain, exhaustion, overwhelm, confusion, difficulty making decision, abdominal weakness/cramping. Usually I feel it in my belly and the tops of my thighs. It feels like my life force is draining out of me.

I felt fine during the treatment, but as usual I could feel the energy moving in my body. I'm really sensitive to that movement and so I give her a lot of feedback when she's working on me and sometimes we "chase" pain or feelings or sensation.

I usually get food cravings during a treatment and I often get food cravings once a treatment is complete. Today was no exception. I immediately got a craving for an In N Out double double and that let me know it was working.

On my drive home I started getting sensations. It felt like I was re-visintg many body pains I've had over time in very light ways. An elbow pain, a tummy pain, leg aches, then fuzzy headedness and confusion. Nothing overwhelming, but the sensations have been on and off all day.

I'm also really hungry. Really, really hungry. Because my diet is so limited Im basically eating potatoes, cauliflower and chicken. Even eating as much as I want hasn't helped much. I have found that if I'm not eating any grains (and I don't have rice without iron or the bread) I'm hungry all the time until I learn to eat enough veggies, carry the right snacks and nuts and stuff. So I'm just going to be a bit hungry.

I am finding that already I have more energy than I've had recently, but only after having a sluggish afternoon.

Typically night time is fine and I don't expect any issues.

Tomorrow I'll be headed off with Kiddo to dog sit for a friend, so I might not be able to write much more until I return.

I'm supposed to stay off of all of this for 25 hours. Or until tomorrow at about 1pm. I try to stay off of stuff as long as possible. But since I'm going to bleed in about 2 days, I can't stay off of iron for very long or next week will suck rocks through a straw.

Sometimes I can feel when it's time to end the treatment, there's a shifting of energy that tells me that it's done. The heaviness and movement sort of dissipate. I'm told most people don't' notice anything.
dryadgrl: (Default)
Since I have these new limits, at least for now, I'm trying to figure out how to handle them.

I really just want to do one thing a day. For reals.

So I've stopped adding things to my calendar unless they are just that or unless they are mission critical. Like I need to see the friend who's in town from out of state and I need to go to my coven meeting. I don't need to go out to a bar with friends or to watch tv with folks I already see about once a week.

Also the priority is me.

Belly dancing, yes. Eating out unnecessarily, no (I can't control my food that way).

I want to eat at home and eat things whose ingredients I know. I want to save money and take care of myself and I want to feel good.

I'm hoping that on Friday at the doctor's I'll find out how I can have more energy.
Sleep now.


dryadgrl: (Default)

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