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Usually before my period I have nightmares at least one night. Usually they are about being stalked by a serial killer in various ways or the house broken into and I wake up and over and over again and get more and more scared because I'm not actually waking up.
Yesterday and today I woke up crying.
Yesterday it was a scene about my sister leaving and Easter basket present that is lead to with dark red jello that looks like gore. It's for my mom and then I realize that my mom mis dead and I get more and more sad and wake up crying.
In reality my mom is not dead, but she's very very ill with Alzheimer's and doesn't talk or feed herself or go to the bathroom on her own.
Todays' was another series of fear of mine, I was cleaning up and the group left and i stomped off. Then an old friend Trinity was there who wanted to see me and then the group caught up with us and we were going down a narrow set of stairs. People started coming towards me and I felt trapped, I knew there wasn't going to be enough space for us to pass. I got pushed against a wall and eventually got out.
Then the group moved on, having no idea I was traumatized and I got a little lost and nearly fell down a very steep slope that had been changed in a previous dream. It was terrifying (and falling down has been a huge fear the last couple of years.) I curled up in a corner against some stairs. Someone did notice, but they went away and no one else seemed to realize that I was terrified and needed help. I cried and tried to cry loud enough for someone to hear, but I couldn't. Literally I couldn't make any noise. I eventually was able to stand up and as I past a few people they looked at my scraggliness in near horror. Then I woke up crying and disoriented.
Unlike in the movies, I don't worry about going to sleep or worry about night mares. Maybe because they only happen a few nights a month at the most.
I know that dreams are related to kidney function and we've been treating kidney stuff and so this has changed from previous months from terror to sadness and from the absurd to real issues. I'm glad it's changing, but waking up so sad makes it hard to get anything done at all.
Yesterday and today I woke up crying.
Yesterday it was a scene about my sister leaving and Easter basket present that is lead to with dark red jello that looks like gore. It's for my mom and then I realize that my mom mis dead and I get more and more sad and wake up crying.
In reality my mom is not dead, but she's very very ill with Alzheimer's and doesn't talk or feed herself or go to the bathroom on her own.
Todays' was another series of fear of mine, I was cleaning up and the group left and i stomped off. Then an old friend Trinity was there who wanted to see me and then the group caught up with us and we were going down a narrow set of stairs. People started coming towards me and I felt trapped, I knew there wasn't going to be enough space for us to pass. I got pushed against a wall and eventually got out.
Then the group moved on, having no idea I was traumatized and I got a little lost and nearly fell down a very steep slope that had been changed in a previous dream. It was terrifying (and falling down has been a huge fear the last couple of years.) I curled up in a corner against some stairs. Someone did notice, but they went away and no one else seemed to realize that I was terrified and needed help. I cried and tried to cry loud enough for someone to hear, but I couldn't. Literally I couldn't make any noise. I eventually was able to stand up and as I past a few people they looked at my scraggliness in near horror. Then I woke up crying and disoriented.
Unlike in the movies, I don't worry about going to sleep or worry about night mares. Maybe because they only happen a few nights a month at the most.
I know that dreams are related to kidney function and we've been treating kidney stuff and so this has changed from previous months from terror to sadness and from the absurd to real issues. I'm glad it's changing, but waking up so sad makes it hard to get anything done at all.
