Masculinity and heteronormativity
Apr. 10th, 2012 10:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dryadgrlA friend recently sent me a link to an article about things men should master to be a real man. We've been talking about masculinity and about raising children, especially about my son and young men. He's someone who I admire a lot who's been willing to engage me in conversations around gender even though he's a cisgendered (straight gendered) older white guy (and if you've been reading a long all the while, you'll know that I've had.... feelings... about "those people").
Hi G,
I went back and read the article thoroughly before considering passing it on. We've talked about heteronormativity and here's an example of it in spades so I thought I would point that out so that you can see it.
Here's a great definition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteronormativity
It aligns with things like "compulsory heterosexuality."
Since that might sound vague, especially to cisgendered, heterosexual people, I'll just list a couple of examples and their effects. The article says, "When he makes love he opens up to all his rawness and all his tenderness and he gives his woman everything he has got." This assumes that all men, if they are as the author says, "real men," make love to women. The thing is it's easy to rephrase to be inclusive just change that one word "woman" to "partner." Then gay men and bisexual men can be men too. And we like gay and bisexual men.
The next one is here, "When push comes to shove every man should be able to defend his wife, children and honor." I don't know that I agree with the premise, even as my son takes two martial arts these days; but this again states that all men should have children and be and act in heterosexual ways. It negates the families of queer/homosexual parents and the idea that men can't be men unless they are partnered and procreating. That makes me sad and again excludes all sorts of people from being men.
That's pretty harsh stuff if you're not "a real man." I hope this is helpful in pointing out how heteronormativity is reinforced in culture and writing and how it serves to make invisible all other forms of people, families, and cultures. I am really clear that's not your intention and that's why I'm sharing this with you.
Here's an example that I found recently that is very much in alignment with my values around this: http://www.outloudradio.org/stories/reclaiming-masculinity
It's about 6.5 minutes, funny, and clear. It was written by teens, one of whom is a transgender youth, though that's not mentioned in the story. (Reclaiming is my spiritual tradition, by the way.)
Thank you for being so willing to keep having these conversations with me!
Love,
Dryadgrl
Hi G,
I went back and read the article thoroughly before considering passing it on. We've talked about heteronormativity and here's an example of it in spades so I thought I would point that out so that you can see it.
Here's a great definition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteronormativity
It aligns with things like "compulsory heterosexuality."
Since that might sound vague, especially to cisgendered, heterosexual people, I'll just list a couple of examples and their effects. The article says, "When he makes love he opens up to all his rawness and all his tenderness and he gives his woman everything he has got." This assumes that all men, if they are as the author says, "real men," make love to women. The thing is it's easy to rephrase to be inclusive just change that one word "woman" to "partner." Then gay men and bisexual men can be men too. And we like gay and bisexual men.
The next one is here, "When push comes to shove every man should be able to defend his wife, children and honor." I don't know that I agree with the premise, even as my son takes two martial arts these days; but this again states that all men should have children and be and act in heterosexual ways. It negates the families of queer/homosexual parents and the idea that men can't be men unless they are partnered and procreating. That makes me sad and again excludes all sorts of people from being men.
That's pretty harsh stuff if you're not "a real man." I hope this is helpful in pointing out how heteronormativity is reinforced in culture and writing and how it serves to make invisible all other forms of people, families, and cultures. I am really clear that's not your intention and that's why I'm sharing this with you.
Here's an example that I found recently that is very much in alignment with my values around this: http://www.outloudradio.org/stories/reclaiming-masculinity
It's about 6.5 minutes, funny, and clear. It was written by teens, one of whom is a transgender youth, though that's not mentioned in the story. (Reclaiming is my spiritual tradition, by the way.)
Thank you for being so willing to keep having these conversations with me!
Love,
Dryadgrl
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no subject
Date: 2012-04-11 10:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-12 02:24 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2012-04-12 09:02 pm (UTC)(I just trimmed the beard. There's a lot of white in it.)
Ya dern hippy.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-12 09:44 pm (UTC)Or maybe it's because folks who've stepped outside of the mainstream in some way don't fall into that nearly so hard as those who haven't.
Do you identify with being an older white straight heteronormative man?
no subject
Date: 2012-04-16 11:27 pm (UTC)also, it has been pointed out that a lot of the 'real man' skills / abilities are actually 'real adult' things, no matter what the gender.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-16 11:55 pm (UTC)