![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dryadgrlSaturday will be day 28.
Today was really hard. I woke up totally irritated, which is bad. In fact the last 24 (until about 2 hours ago) I was so irritated that I could hardly be in the same rooms as anyone. Everything was super uncomfortable.
Monday marked an upswing in energy, but a big downturn in mood. I know that some of this is PMS (at least in theory). I didn't have night mares, for the first month in at least 6 months. Normally the week before my period is all about nightmares and exhaustion and sometimes things like cramping, but this level of moodiness hasn't happened in quite along time.
In fact I haven't worked at all in a month. This week I couldn't work, but most of the last month I haven't been able to work. I've been sleeping 10-14 hours a day (about 9 at night and about 2-5 durning the day. It doesn't leave much time for anything else.
The house is a disaster. Big disaster because even though I'm home, I need to make food and that means it's basically my only chore. My house cleaner hasn't come in a month and I'm just really under it.
In the last couple of hours it's started to shift. I was talking to the boyfriend tonight and I realized that I need to be tracking my food again, much more closely. I think part of the moodiness is my intense sensitivity to things like sugar and wheat. Especially sugar. I'm having less problems when I'm skipping meals - less light-headedness, less irritability over all with that symptom.
This week the irritability has been in everything all the time, so I can't attribute it to food.
Except.
Except that today I had a choclatine for lunch and had a chocolate egg before breakfast (I couldn't get real food cooked fast enough to satisfy the hunger, I know it was a bad move). And that seems to have crashed d=out my whole fucking day.
I put chicken soup on to simmer when I left the house (from the chicken I made day before yesterday) and so tonight I had chicken soup with lots of roasted veggies. Within an hour of that I felt better. I could feel the change happening.
I think what's happening is that my body is actually working and responding to what I put in it. But that hasn't been true in so long that I just don't know how to eat. It just hasn't matter that much. The depression was huge and even as it diminished that anxiety was so huge that my food choices have felt like they sometimes have an effect, but mostly not.
If it's true that my mood, energy and so on are really being effected by this change, for reals, I'm totally up for eating better. I think I could probably never eat sugar again if I knew for sure that I wouldn't be moody, depressed, or anxious. But when it feels like it makes no different, why bother? Or if it even only makes a small difference, why give up the comfort?
I know why, but in the throes of depression it doesn't seem worth it. (On the other hand, I seem to have been buying chocolate at the same rate, but not eating much of it so that now there are 8 bars of chocolate in the cupboard, so the actual amount of chocolate/sugar intake is relatively small comparatively.)
I think the next conversation is with my kid about keeping stuff, even stuff for him, out of the house so that I don't have to deal because I'm not dealing. Comfort chicken soup is a lot easier on my body than comfort chocolate.
I didn't realize what a huge transition this would be, to be totally honest. We've done a lot of work on thyroid stuff. I have been taking iodine for 2 years, I've been taking nutrients and minerals and adrenal stuff and fish oil and and and. But we haven't been treating it with thyroid hormones until now. And it's totally re-vamping the food stuff.
I wish I'd had the courage to force the medical doctors to give me meds some how years ago. It really does suck that this has taken so long. It feels so unnecessary.
Today was really hard. I woke up totally irritated, which is bad. In fact the last 24 (until about 2 hours ago) I was so irritated that I could hardly be in the same rooms as anyone. Everything was super uncomfortable.
Monday marked an upswing in energy, but a big downturn in mood. I know that some of this is PMS (at least in theory). I didn't have night mares, for the first month in at least 6 months. Normally the week before my period is all about nightmares and exhaustion and sometimes things like cramping, but this level of moodiness hasn't happened in quite along time.
In fact I haven't worked at all in a month. This week I couldn't work, but most of the last month I haven't been able to work. I've been sleeping 10-14 hours a day (about 9 at night and about 2-5 durning the day. It doesn't leave much time for anything else.
The house is a disaster. Big disaster because even though I'm home, I need to make food and that means it's basically my only chore. My house cleaner hasn't come in a month and I'm just really under it.
In the last couple of hours it's started to shift. I was talking to the boyfriend tonight and I realized that I need to be tracking my food again, much more closely. I think part of the moodiness is my intense sensitivity to things like sugar and wheat. Especially sugar. I'm having less problems when I'm skipping meals - less light-headedness, less irritability over all with that symptom.
This week the irritability has been in everything all the time, so I can't attribute it to food.
Except.
Except that today I had a choclatine for lunch and had a chocolate egg before breakfast (I couldn't get real food cooked fast enough to satisfy the hunger, I know it was a bad move). And that seems to have crashed d=out my whole fucking day.
I put chicken soup on to simmer when I left the house (from the chicken I made day before yesterday) and so tonight I had chicken soup with lots of roasted veggies. Within an hour of that I felt better. I could feel the change happening.
I think what's happening is that my body is actually working and responding to what I put in it. But that hasn't been true in so long that I just don't know how to eat. It just hasn't matter that much. The depression was huge and even as it diminished that anxiety was so huge that my food choices have felt like they sometimes have an effect, but mostly not.
If it's true that my mood, energy and so on are really being effected by this change, for reals, I'm totally up for eating better. I think I could probably never eat sugar again if I knew for sure that I wouldn't be moody, depressed, or anxious. But when it feels like it makes no different, why bother? Or if it even only makes a small difference, why give up the comfort?
I know why, but in the throes of depression it doesn't seem worth it. (On the other hand, I seem to have been buying chocolate at the same rate, but not eating much of it so that now there are 8 bars of chocolate in the cupboard, so the actual amount of chocolate/sugar intake is relatively small comparatively.)
I think the next conversation is with my kid about keeping stuff, even stuff for him, out of the house so that I don't have to deal because I'm not dealing. Comfort chicken soup is a lot easier on my body than comfort chocolate.
I didn't realize what a huge transition this would be, to be totally honest. We've done a lot of work on thyroid stuff. I have been taking iodine for 2 years, I've been taking nutrients and minerals and adrenal stuff and fish oil and and and. But we haven't been treating it with thyroid hormones until now. And it's totally re-vamping the food stuff.
I wish I'd had the courage to force the medical doctors to give me meds some how years ago. It really does suck that this has taken so long. It feels so unnecessary.
