My job in healing
Mar. 6th, 2012 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dryadgrlSometimes I talk about my healing process as though it is all outside of myself. That my healer is working on my body and giving me things and that I take them and things get better.
That's some of it. But wait, there's more!
I sometimes am able to track things, but certainly I give her information about how I'm feeling and what symptoms I've having what progress I've made and what I need. Which means that it's my job to listen to my body. It's also my job to try to take good care of myself and do what needs doing, as much as I am able. Part of not being well is that I'm not always able to do all the things that would have me be at 100% all the time.
So I try to get enough sleep, get enough outside time, get enough alone time, balanced with enough people time and work time. Exercise some, eat well, and live a meaningful life. And do all the other things that I'm up to. But the thing that I have learned is that I must consistently prioritize self-care.
I feel very called to some amount of activism or community volunteerism - always. If I'm not active in my community I don't feel quite well. I need to contribute in some way. As my self-worth/self-esteem has improved I need less brutal hours of doing this and can contribute more effectively. There is some self-care there, but it's easy for any one piece to take over especially volunteerism because it often feels so good.
It has been easy for me to not take good care of me. I don't know if I think I'm a super hero or something, but there is this thing that happens where I thought that I could just put off self-care. I could do meetings every night during the week and pass out for the weekend. As it turns out, that's ineffective. I have to sleep enough like 28 out of 30 nights in order to be ok rather than 5 of 7 or so.
I have to eat well most meals not just 2 of 3 but like 25 of 28 or something (I need to eat about 4 times a day). I need to go outside most days. I need some alone time every day, I need some people time as often as I can manage. I need some family time... It's a balance and right now that balance is pretty delicate.
So that's my focus. If I don't pay attention, I don't have anything to say to JM and it's our partnership that is what is causing/supporting healing. She can't heal me, I heal me with her help and support. But it's my journey, my body, my life and my path.
This might be one step too many, but the lack of partnership is what I worry about in allopathic/western medical care. That we expect that doctors can heal us - with one pill no less! - and we continue to go about our lives in a society/culture that is essentially ill. The expectations that I see and have taken on for myself have been unhealthy. I cannot do al the things that society says that I should do. I don't fit into those boxes and neither do most people. So I was finding myself berating me for not being able to be the super woman on the teepee shows or even the person that my single friends are.
I'm not that person. I have a kid. If I want to do this justice, I can't pretend that I can do all the things they can do and all the things my family needs. Sometimes I think I can do it all. I've been giving things up the last couple of years and what I found is that my ex is right. That when I'm in balance I am far more effective. I can't do everything, what I can do, I can do well if I'm not trying to do everything else as well.
That's some of it. But wait, there's more!
I sometimes am able to track things, but certainly I give her information about how I'm feeling and what symptoms I've having what progress I've made and what I need. Which means that it's my job to listen to my body. It's also my job to try to take good care of myself and do what needs doing, as much as I am able. Part of not being well is that I'm not always able to do all the things that would have me be at 100% all the time.
So I try to get enough sleep, get enough outside time, get enough alone time, balanced with enough people time and work time. Exercise some, eat well, and live a meaningful life. And do all the other things that I'm up to. But the thing that I have learned is that I must consistently prioritize self-care.
I feel very called to some amount of activism or community volunteerism - always. If I'm not active in my community I don't feel quite well. I need to contribute in some way. As my self-worth/self-esteem has improved I need less brutal hours of doing this and can contribute more effectively. There is some self-care there, but it's easy for any one piece to take over especially volunteerism because it often feels so good.
It has been easy for me to not take good care of me. I don't know if I think I'm a super hero or something, but there is this thing that happens where I thought that I could just put off self-care. I could do meetings every night during the week and pass out for the weekend. As it turns out, that's ineffective. I have to sleep enough like 28 out of 30 nights in order to be ok rather than 5 of 7 or so.
I have to eat well most meals not just 2 of 3 but like 25 of 28 or something (I need to eat about 4 times a day). I need to go outside most days. I need some alone time every day, I need some people time as often as I can manage. I need some family time... It's a balance and right now that balance is pretty delicate.
So that's my focus. If I don't pay attention, I don't have anything to say to JM and it's our partnership that is what is causing/supporting healing. She can't heal me, I heal me with her help and support. But it's my journey, my body, my life and my path.
This might be one step too many, but the lack of partnership is what I worry about in allopathic/western medical care. That we expect that doctors can heal us - with one pill no less! - and we continue to go about our lives in a society/culture that is essentially ill. The expectations that I see and have taken on for myself have been unhealthy. I cannot do al the things that society says that I should do. I don't fit into those boxes and neither do most people. So I was finding myself berating me for not being able to be the super woman on the teepee shows or even the person that my single friends are.
I'm not that person. I have a kid. If I want to do this justice, I can't pretend that I can do all the things they can do and all the things my family needs. Sometimes I think I can do it all. I've been giving things up the last couple of years and what I found is that my ex is right. That when I'm in balance I am far more effective. I can't do everything, what I can do, I can do well if I'm not trying to do everything else as well.
