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Today with my family
Jul. 22nd, 2012 08:58 pmI'm sitting here in on the balcony of our "villa" watching the sunset. It's been an amazing day. I have had so much pain around my family that I forget how good it can be.
My cousin Heidi and her husband are just fantastic people. Their kids are great and my kid is so good with them. Beto brought his sister Evelyn and her husband Adam this weekend. Beto and Evelyn are from Costa Rica and they both married Americans. Adam is Cajon, from Biloxi, Mississippi and his first language is French. Ev and Beto's first language is Spanish - Adam is fluent in Spanish and I took 7 years so I do ok too (I understand pretty much everything, but don't usually speak it). My sister Erin and Beto both sign pretty fluently.
So all day there have been four languages spoken all around. The kids, other than mine, are all at least bilingual and I love it. It's like all these ideas and love all coming together all at one time. They flow back and forth, sharing ideas and sometimes translating for each other. Helping an supporting and loving and teasing each other. The way I want my family to be.
My uncle Terry and my dad have been off most of the day having time just them, telling stories, reminiscing and hanging out - while wearing ridiculous matching star sun hats with chin straps! They are funny together and over the last few years especially they have become best friends.
We all have an easy way with all of the kids. I found myself holding baby Macai and playing basketball with Santi (who's 7), chasing the kitten with Jack. My son and Jack did some serious roughhousing that they were both quite happy with, though my aunt's pillows will never be the same. There's an old dog (Reese) and a feral cat Tiggie who are all part of the mix. The kids run and play outside and ... it's what I have long imagined for Connor and that he obviously has quite a lot of, even if I'm not always there.
I remember this from when I was young, hanging out with my cousins, swimming, sharing, and just being together. It's different now, we all have kids and are doing adult things, but the last couple of years we've been coming together because we care about each other and not just because of our parents. Before about 2 years ago I hadn't seem them in at least half a dozen years.
I have some sadness that Heidi's siblings and my other sister Katie don't show up, but I'm becoming ok with them mostly opting out. This feels more like chosen family to me than it has. Something is healing inside me and I'm more able to show up. I've come back on my own terms, with my son and without my mom. There's no one screaming or getting in the way or needing constant care (other than the 18 month old). It feels more balanced and grounded.
These cousins I always loved spending time with when I was young, but well... it doesn't matter. In coming home to myself, I'm open to being with them and taking care of me at the same time. What it comes down to is that today was a lot of fun. We cooked together, shared ideas, talked and now we're planning a trip together, possibly all going to Costa Rica for the holidays (and not during the rainy season). I'm really excited about traveling with them! I think it could be such a lot of fun! This side of my family is so much easier than the other side! I choose ease!
The moon is waxing now and we are just past the dark moon. Now is a good time for intentions and prayer. I intend to love my family and take good care of myself in this relationship. I intend to thoroughly enjoy myself this week and balance that with taking time for me. I intend for this week and our time together to lay the foundation for more love and intimacy between us as a family. And for us to have a damn good time!
I see this coming out of the space I've been making for myself and the love I've been cultivating in community. The more love I cultivate, the more I see love around me and the happier I am. I love being happy!
My cousin Heidi and her husband are just fantastic people. Their kids are great and my kid is so good with them. Beto brought his sister Evelyn and her husband Adam this weekend. Beto and Evelyn are from Costa Rica and they both married Americans. Adam is Cajon, from Biloxi, Mississippi and his first language is French. Ev and Beto's first language is Spanish - Adam is fluent in Spanish and I took 7 years so I do ok too (I understand pretty much everything, but don't usually speak it). My sister Erin and Beto both sign pretty fluently.
So all day there have been four languages spoken all around. The kids, other than mine, are all at least bilingual and I love it. It's like all these ideas and love all coming together all at one time. They flow back and forth, sharing ideas and sometimes translating for each other. Helping an supporting and loving and teasing each other. The way I want my family to be.
My uncle Terry and my dad have been off most of the day having time just them, telling stories, reminiscing and hanging out - while wearing ridiculous matching star sun hats with chin straps! They are funny together and over the last few years especially they have become best friends.
We all have an easy way with all of the kids. I found myself holding baby Macai and playing basketball with Santi (who's 7), chasing the kitten with Jack. My son and Jack did some serious roughhousing that they were both quite happy with, though my aunt's pillows will never be the same. There's an old dog (Reese) and a feral cat Tiggie who are all part of the mix. The kids run and play outside and ... it's what I have long imagined for Connor and that he obviously has quite a lot of, even if I'm not always there.
I remember this from when I was young, hanging out with my cousins, swimming, sharing, and just being together. It's different now, we all have kids and are doing adult things, but the last couple of years we've been coming together because we care about each other and not just because of our parents. Before about 2 years ago I hadn't seem them in at least half a dozen years.
I have some sadness that Heidi's siblings and my other sister Katie don't show up, but I'm becoming ok with them mostly opting out. This feels more like chosen family to me than it has. Something is healing inside me and I'm more able to show up. I've come back on my own terms, with my son and without my mom. There's no one screaming or getting in the way or needing constant care (other than the 18 month old). It feels more balanced and grounded.
These cousins I always loved spending time with when I was young, but well... it doesn't matter. In coming home to myself, I'm open to being with them and taking care of me at the same time. What it comes down to is that today was a lot of fun. We cooked together, shared ideas, talked and now we're planning a trip together, possibly all going to Costa Rica for the holidays (and not during the rainy season). I'm really excited about traveling with them! I think it could be such a lot of fun! This side of my family is so much easier than the other side! I choose ease!
The moon is waxing now and we are just past the dark moon. Now is a good time for intentions and prayer. I intend to love my family and take good care of myself in this relationship. I intend to thoroughly enjoy myself this week and balance that with taking time for me. I intend for this week and our time together to lay the foundation for more love and intimacy between us as a family. And for us to have a damn good time!
I see this coming out of the space I've been making for myself and the love I've been cultivating in community. The more love I cultivate, the more I see love around me and the happier I am. I love being happy!
