Parenting a teen - so uncomfortable sometimes

Tonight we went to Cafe Gratitude in Berekely with a friend and played the abounding river game. Kiddo went too because he was invited directly and he loves games. It took him awhile to step into playing, it's a very vulnerable and intense game some times.

But he did it. And he really liked it and is now on the phone with his friends inviting them to play the game with him.

It's amazing to me that even at 14 he is seeing the value in connection, honesty and authenticity. I don't know that he'd use those words, but he really enjoys connecting with people and is really craving it.

I get uncomfortable watching him snuggle up to my friends, I've not yet learned to handle my concerns about his sexuality and whether he's eroticizing my friends and how to help him hold his boundaries, what my boundaries and so on. I'm not sure what's ok to talk about in front of him in some areas of life. And given that he is only 14 but looks 19 it's all a bit of a mess.

Like people sharing about their dating lives or drug histories in some of these stories. Nothing super detailed, just acknowledgements of past decisions which were funny/difficult/insightful. I find myself holding my breath and hoping that the honesty, respect and reverence with which people talk to each other really comes across to him.

Now more than ever I wish he had more men in his life. He needs some of these conversations that I'm just the wrong person to have them with. I can, but I can't give him some of there perspective he really needs.

More thyroid and eating things - less worrying, more action, week 5

I'm tired. All the time. Less than last month, but v tired. I see my doc again this week and that's now high on the priority list. I'm ready for more energy.

I'm finding that I'm hungry regularly and I'm not falling down if I don't eat immediately. But I do need to eat. I can't wait very long.

I find that I can't tell when I'm full. I can tell when I'm not hungry. But if I stop eating when I'm not hungry, I need to eat within an hour, often a half an hour. So I have to sit for quite a while and really focus on how I feel and even then I don't always know.

My sugar cravings are nearly gone. And I'm pretty sensitive to sugar - my body just doesn't want it any more. I do sometimes eat it when I feel stressed, but not everyday and not nearly as much. I need real food and can't get away with lightweight snacks. It has to be substantial food.

I found out that more of my symptoms than I knew show up in the thyroid stuff. I've been reading Body Restoration: http://www.bodyrestorationanownersmanual.com/ and there are a couple more symptoms involved in thyroid stuff than I realized namely light sensitivity and dry itchy skin issues.

What that means to me is that, while I do have to deal with the symptoms, they are being treated in this medication. (Meaning that I do need to put lotion on my legs but this is one more reason to keep taking my medication and I don't have to look for other reasons. I can let it go.)

So there's something exciting about that.

I also felt content today. I don't feel like i need to do as much, especially in terms of volunteerism. As my adrenals get fixed I get hits of my sense of worthiness and of love and community. I'm just worrying less. Way less. And that means I'm getting more things actually done and resting more. Strange combination.

But what happens in anxiety is that I spend a lot of time trying to deal with the emotions - whether that's trying to get present or meditate or move or solve or avoid or whatever and that energy is tuck there. I can't relax because I'm stressed and I can't do anything because my focus is tied up in the issue. I'm stuck. Paralyzed.

Somehow this frees up energy so that while I am worrying sometimes, it's not nearly as intense and I can get things done. It still seems to mean that somethings aren't quite done on time (stress things) but they are getting closer and closer to deadlines.