Anger and punishment?

[dryadgrl]

A lover of mine disappeared about 5 weeks ago and showed up today. I noticed that not only was I a bit angry (he failed to show up for a date, no call, no email, no text) and I heard nothing all this time.

When I saw the text today I was not just angry, but I wanted to punish him. I wanted to make him feel bad for making me feel bad.

What it made me realize is that I put the locus of my emotions outside of myself still sometimes. And that's not what I want to be doing.

What I want to do is to be responsible for my emotions and reactions. And I often am. I don't know if it's just that the story that other people make can make me angry is such a popular story or something else. I just want to bookmark this and open up conversation to see if others have had this reactions and if you have any insight?

Comments

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

I read this. I'd like to come back later and comment.

I agree that I'm the only one responsible for how I feel (inside me). But I also believe that when someone does something shitty, it's common sense that it will likely make others feel bad and that's something the person doing the shitty thing should think about before they do the thing.

And I also believe that if a person can't or won't think about that, it's wisest for me to minimize interaction with them to avoid being exposed to this. They can frame it in a zillion different ways, and those ways are all valid, BUT - the fact is, they did something and unless is was an error, an accident, or there were some pretty extenuating circumstances, they did it because they valued foo more than their connection with me. That's fine. But I prefer to spend my time with people who reciprocally value me.

A lot more thoughts, but it's a workday. More later!

[dryadgrl]

It's the last bit that really speaks to me - that they value someone or something more than they value me. They are allowed, but it means we probably can't be close.

Thank you for that!