dryadgrl: (love)
Recently my son was feeling lonely (he's 15 now and in college part time so totally understandable). So we talked and I encouraged him to invite friends over. He asked one of his female classmates over and she said no because she'd just been through a bad break up. But he felt successful because he'd asked someone. (Great job!)
I looked at him and giggled. I couldn't help it. I nearly broke out in hysterical laughter. He of course asked me why and I said, "You do know she thinks you asked her on a date, don't you?"
He says, "Oh...." (Long pause.) (Longer pause.) "Huh?"
"Yeah, she thinks you want to go on a date with her."
"Weird." He says.
As much as I want and encourage my son to be sex and body positive some days having a late bloomer kid is more entertaining than internet cat videos.
dryadgrl: (love)
<a href="http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/orgasm-gap-real-reason-women-get-less-often-men-and-how-fix-it?page=0%2C2&paging=off">The Orgasm Gap</a> I hadn't thought about this, but once I did it makes a lot of sense.

I wrote this in response to a parenting list.
My son is 15 and he's not really dating yet. But he's super conscious of gender and he's just all round a nice kid. He gets things other kids don't get about gender, queerness and so on because he's spent time with me and I talk about this stuff (and I'm queer and do things like date people of all genders openly). It seems in some ways less important to talk to him about it as it is to talk about it in front of him and be in integrity about my stuff.
That seems to lead him to talk to me when he's ready. I send him links in email for him to read and have lots of books around and stuff. And then I do what I do. I don't have secrets, but I do have privacy. I let him know who I'm having sex with and, when he asks, how my relationships are. I try not to be shy about talking about what's important to me in front of him.
Recently I was meeting with folks about doing an unconference on open/all relationships and potentially making it all ages. I insisted on a 13-18 path and talked about young people really needing space to talk to each other and adults about this stuff in an open, honest, way. People engaged in a lively discussion and forgot my son was even there until he spoke up. Then some were a little awkward, but my kid got a lot out of it. He said he thinks what I'm proposing is important and valuable and that he would be good with having conversations with teens as well as adults which surprised me a little (he's an introvert, and I'm not).
But it made it clear to me that the work I've been doing is important. Even if he doesn't always want to talk to me, he does listen and my attitudes seem to be carrying over to his actual behavior which I'm thrilled by.
dryadgrl: (Default)
Tonight I made lavender honey. I came home with an immune system booster with astralagus, rose hips, ginger and raw honey. You could take that every day to support your immune system health long term. Kiddo loves lavender so I thought I'd just start some and see if he uses them. I ended up making three jars, 1 with lavender and chamomile and the other 2 straight lavender.

The basic idea of a medicinal honey is to make up a powdered herb mix and fill the jar about 1/ or less full.

Warm the honey, but do not let it boil. It only needs to get hot enough to work with or not be crystalized.

Pour the honey into the jar over the herbs.

Stir (a chop stick works really well for this).

Seal the jars. (If the jars are clean/sterile and are the 2 part lid mason jars, they will self-seal as they cool.

They need to sit 2-4 weeks for maximum potency before eating. Turn them over twice a day to keep the mix moving.
They last a long time. Honey never goes bad, so these will last at least a year (which is the shelf life of most powdered herbs. But these should get eaten up! Yum!
dryadgrl: (Default)
Kiddo is home from Teen Earth Magic! He had a glorious time and has been telling me all about it. I love hearing about his adventures! He has quite a bond with those folks, from the teachers on down to the cooks. How delightful to watch him be connected to community!

Yay!

Kubla Con

May. 29th, 2012 04:57 pm
dryadgrl: (Default)
We went.

They teens loved it (and so did I).

I played some new games (for me): Are you a traitor?, The Resistance, Don't Feed the Shoggoth!! (that last one is as yet unpublished)

I introduced the teens to LARPing via Harry Potter versus Miskatonic University and they went on to play another LARP which they loved and are now plotting to GM their own LARP, possibly of Paranoia.

I played my annual Buffyverse game with Lyle and the pretty awesome GM Michael Kelly. Continuation of the previous saga. Good stuff.

Monday I played Paranoia with Arthur Wallace as the GM. He's a rockstar. Probably best GM I've ever played with. And I got my first RP award in the game which surprised me. I tend to be fun to play with, but not the rockstar of the group. The game used the Super Mario Bros characters: Mari-O, Luigi, Yosh-I, Don-K-Y Kong, etc. I played Peach-Y SIS, the only female character. So I got to do a lot of girly-girl ridiculous things and really play with the male characters. It was very fun. Apparently they enjoyed it too.

I hope to get to play with them or with those characters again.

The result is that I'd love to find a gaming group. Not for a campaign, though Kiddo would love that. I'm thinking more a games night, locally with folks who'd like to play fun games and laugh a lot.
dryadgrl: (Default)
Kiddo loved hanging with the dog, once the dog stopped being depressed. Today especially they have been bouncing around and Brandy has been climbing all over Kiddo and I. It's pretty great. Especially since Friday night she wouldn't have anything to do with us.

I have managed to take supplements, but I'm not quite back up to full doses. Traveling is always hard on that for me. So I'm going to make an effort take take my evening dose when I'm done here and to sleep extra well and late tomorrow morning.


I've been off my second iron supp because I left in at home. So we'll see how it feels to take that tomorrow. I am pretty low energy. I don't know if that's because it's hell hot here or if it's the iron.

Some will be happy to hear that Kiddo has decided he's obsessed with cello music. It's been coming on for a while, but we sat and went through lots of it this weekend and we have some resources to explore when we get home. I didn't realize just how much I know about music. There is a lot of basic music things in my head that I learned growing up and taking lessons that I started passing on to him as well as movies, artists, styles and so on. I feel competent to start/deepen his music education to a point. It's very re-assuring. I'll take it!

We also re-designed our apartment while we were here and made decisions about more things to get rid of and how to move piece of furniture around in our small space to be more of what we want. I've been getting rid of ton of stuff, but Kiddo hasn't very much. A lot of that is because I haven't sat with him for very long to make it go and he starts but won't progress unless I'm on top of him/working with him. But it sounds like he wants to and that's exciting for both of us. He wants the space to be nicer and is becoming more available for that as I do more of it myself. Yay!

Ok, tired now. Maybe I'll nap while waiting for Puppy-Daddy.
dryadgrl: (Default)
So I started eating what I wanted this afternoon and it seems fine. I haven't taken supplements yet (but will with dinner) and didn't have any major issues this morning aside from the dream and lethargy. The dreams being different, I'm told, is a sign that I'm detoxing and I'll take it, even if it's sad and painful.

Being able to be less reactive to iron so that my body will actually absorb it should give me a lot more energy in the long run. I'll be confirming test results on Thursday and re-treating if I didn't clear it entirely. Sometimes I clear a piece but not all of it which I don't quite understand, but it is true that once I've cleared something for reals, it stays clear most (greater than 95% of the time).

Oddly, I'm not crashed out, the blood sugar meds are holding (at least temporarily) and although today has been a bit challenging, all is essentially well. My mood is still stable even though I haven't taken meds in 24 hours. I'm still up for tonight's birthday party.

(We're dog sitting in Palo Alto and the puppy is sad so Kiddo is sad and that makes my day a little bit harder. Also a large parcel of my friends are at a workshop and I have a work deadline that I've been avoiding. Plus the mom-dream stuff and the boyfriend breaking stuff and it's a lot. The BF is ok by the way, but he's really, really sad. And there's nothing I can do about it.)
dryadgrl: (Default)
I talk about this treatment method all the time, but most people don't know what it is. You can learn more about the method here and nothing I could say about it is better than what others have written. On the NAET site they talk a little bit about it here.

I'll talk a little bit about what happens in a treatment and then what it feels like afterwards. The treatment itself uses Applied Kinesiology or muscle testing to find things that you're reactive to. Then the doc uses that clicky thing (an activator, though in this case it's one that does multiple shots at once) and has you breathe different ways as she works on your spine. Then you wait a bit and she puts a light in your eyebrows and the crown of your head and you rub your hands together/wash your hands. It's really quite simple.

What it's doing is described as clearing out the energy of the thing you're reactive to. Most of the issues/reactions I've had around treatments start after I've left the office but I've had some intense experiences right on the table. I had one or two where I was so overwhelmed or shaky that I took a nap in the office before I could drive.

But today's treatment is pretty typical and so I thought I'd write a bit about it. Today she's treating me for iron (in NAET the vile was called "meat mix" and includes beef, pork, gelatin, and iron supplements and maybe something else that I've forgotten).

So I cannot eat or touch anything with iron in it. That includes quite a long list. I can eat light green veggies, cauliflower, chicken, potatoes, rice without iron fortification, sour dough bread without iron, water, orange juice and carrot juice. No gelatin means no capsule supplements. I typically take two different kinds of iron twice a day, one of which is a capsule, both of which are out. My thyroid medication, my mood supplements (Seretone and DL-phenylalanine) are out, blood sugar balance meds are out as are a number of other things.

That means that I have to take care to eat enough and often enough.

Water is often specified because there are some treatments for which you cannot drink anything but distilled water, treatments like heavy metals toxicity.

I'm really badly anemic and have struggled to deal with that especially since the thyroid stuff got bad. It has gotten better and better, but last month I spent 2 days curled up around a heating pad because of the pain and anemia.

Anemia for me feels like weakness, muscle pain, exhaustion, overwhelm, confusion, difficulty making decision, abdominal weakness/cramping. Usually I feel it in my belly and the tops of my thighs. It feels like my life force is draining out of me.

I felt fine during the treatment, but as usual I could feel the energy moving in my body. I'm really sensitive to that movement and so I give her a lot of feedback when she's working on me and sometimes we "chase" pain or feelings or sensation.

I usually get food cravings during a treatment and I often get food cravings once a treatment is complete. Today was no exception. I immediately got a craving for an In N Out double double and that let me know it was working.

On my drive home I started getting sensations. It felt like I was re-visintg many body pains I've had over time in very light ways. An elbow pain, a tummy pain, leg aches, then fuzzy headedness and confusion. Nothing overwhelming, but the sensations have been on and off all day.

I'm also really hungry. Really, really hungry. Because my diet is so limited Im basically eating potatoes, cauliflower and chicken. Even eating as much as I want hasn't helped much. I have found that if I'm not eating any grains (and I don't have rice without iron or the bread) I'm hungry all the time until I learn to eat enough veggies, carry the right snacks and nuts and stuff. So I'm just going to be a bit hungry.

I am finding that already I have more energy than I've had recently, but only after having a sluggish afternoon.

Typically night time is fine and I don't expect any issues.

Tomorrow I'll be headed off with Kiddo to dog sit for a friend, so I might not be able to write much more until I return.

I'm supposed to stay off of all of this for 25 hours. Or until tomorrow at about 1pm. I try to stay off of stuff as long as possible. But since I'm going to bleed in about 2 days, I can't stay off of iron for very long or next week will suck rocks through a straw.

Sometimes I can feel when it's time to end the treatment, there's a shifting of energy that tells me that it's done. The heaviness and movement sort of dissipate. I'm told most people don't' notice anything.
dryadgrl: (Default)
A friend recently sent me a link to an article about things men should master to be a real man. We've been talking about masculinity and about raising children, especially about my son and young men. He's someone who I admire a lot who's been willing to engage me in conversations around gender even though he's a cisgendered (straight gendered) older white guy (and if you've been reading a long all the while, you'll know that I've had.... feelings... about "those people").

Hi G,
I went back and read the article thoroughly before considering passing it on. We've talked about heteronormativity and here's an example of it in spades so I thought I would point that out so that you can see it.

Here's a great definition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteronormativity
It aligns with things like "compulsory heterosexuality."

Since that might sound vague, especially to cisgendered, heterosexual people, I'll just list a couple of examples and their effects. The article says, "When he makes love he opens up to all his rawness and all his tenderness and he gives his woman everything he has got." This assumes that all men, if they are as the author says, "real men," make love to women. The thing is it's easy to rephrase to be inclusive just change that one word "woman" to "partner." Then gay men and bisexual men can be men too. And we like gay and bisexual men.

The next one is here, "When push comes to shove every man should be able to defend his wife, children and honor." I don't know that I agree with the premise, even as my son takes two martial arts these days; but this again states that all men should have children and be and act in heterosexual ways. It negates the families of queer/homosexual parents and the idea that men can't be men unless they are partnered and procreating. That makes me sad and again excludes all sorts of people from being men.

That's pretty harsh stuff if you're not "a real man." I hope this is helpful in pointing out how heteronormativity is reinforced in culture and writing and how it serves to make invisible all other forms of people, families, and cultures. I am really clear that's not your intention and that's why I'm sharing this with you.

Here's an example that I found recently that is very much in alignment with my values around this: http://www.outloudradio.org/stories/reclaiming-masculinity
It's about 6.5 minutes, funny, and clear. It was written by teens, one of whom is a transgender youth, though that's not mentioned in the story. (Reclaiming is my spiritual tradition, by the way.)

Thank you for being so willing to keep having these conversations with me!
Love,
Dryadgrl
dryadgrl: (Default)
I just spent the better part of the last hour reading XKCD to Kiddo.

He thought it was pretty much the best thing ever.

It made me happy.

I love being home with my kid so much more recently. It actually makes me feel like a good mom. My son will never wonder if he was loved (as a friend pointed out recently) but I sometimes wonder if he will have gotten what he really needs, whatever that is.

When I'm home with him, he's a happy thing. And that's healing my heart around the pain of the times when I can't be.
dryadgrl: (Default)
Tonight we went to Cafe Gratitude in Berekely with a friend and played the abounding river game. Kiddo went too because he was invited directly and he loves games. It took him awhile to step into playing, it's a very vulnerable and intense game some times.

But he did it. And he really liked it and is now on the phone with his friends inviting them to play the game with him.

It's amazing to me that even at 14 he is seeing the value in connection, honesty and authenticity. I don't know that he'd use those words, but he really enjoys connecting with people and is really craving it.

I get uncomfortable watching him snuggle up to my friends, I've not yet learned to handle my concerns about his sexuality and whether he's eroticizing my friends and how to help him hold his boundaries, what my boundaries and so on. I'm not sure what's ok to talk about in front of him in some areas of life. And given that he is only 14 but looks 19 it's all a bit of a mess.

Like people sharing about their dating lives or drug histories in some of these stories. Nothing super detailed, just acknowledgements of past decisions which were funny/difficult/insightful. I find myself holding my breath and hoping that the honesty, respect and reverence with which people talk to each other really comes across to him.

Now more than ever I wish he had more men in his life. He needs some of these conversations that I'm just the wrong person to have them with. I can, but I can't give him some of there perspective he really needs.
dryadgrl: (Default)
I don't know that I've posted about Kiddo much since he hit teenagehood. I love it.

He's becoming independent, he's stepping into his own power, he's become curious about me and my life and there's enough space for me to be my own person.

There might be more to say, but having a teenager is pretty awesome in some ways. Way better than I heard about.
dryadgrl: (Default)
Sometimes I talk about my healing process as though it is all outside of myself. That my healer is working on my body and giving me things and that I take them and things get better.

That's some of it. But wait, there's more!

I sometimes am able to track things, but certainly I give her information about how I'm feeling and what symptoms I've having what progress I've made and what I need. Which means that it's my job to listen to my body. It's also my job to try to take good care of myself and do what needs doing, as much as I am able. Part of not being well is that I'm not always able to do all the things that would have me be at 100% all the time.

So I try to get enough sleep, get enough outside time, get enough alone time, balanced with enough people time and work time. Exercise some, eat well, and live a meaningful life. And do all the other things that I'm up to. But the thing that I have learned is that I must consistently prioritize self-care.

I feel very called to some amount of activism or community volunteerism - always. If I'm not active in my community I don't feel quite well. I need to contribute in some way. As my self-worth/self-esteem has improved I need less brutal hours of doing this and can contribute more effectively. There is some self-care there, but it's easy for any one piece to take over especially volunteerism because it often feels so good.

It has been easy for me to not take good care of me. I don't know if I think I'm a super hero or something, but there is this thing that happens where I thought that I could just put off self-care. I could do meetings every night during the week and pass out for the weekend. As it turns out, that's ineffective. I have to sleep enough like 28 out of 30 nights in order to be ok rather than 5 of 7 or so.

I have to eat well most meals not just 2 of 3 but like 25 of 28 or something (I need to eat about 4 times a day). I need to go outside most days. I need some alone time every day, I need some people time as often as I can manage. I need some family time... It's a balance and right now that balance is pretty delicate.

So that's my focus. If I don't pay attention, I don't have anything to say to JM and it's our partnership that is what is causing/supporting healing. She can't heal me, I heal me with her help and support. But it's my journey, my body, my life and my path.

This might be one step too many, but the lack of partnership is what I worry about in allopathic/western medical care. That we expect that doctors can heal us - with one pill no less! - and we continue to go about our lives in a society/culture that is essentially ill. The expectations that I see and have taken on for myself have been unhealthy. I cannot do al the things that society says that I should do. I don't fit into those boxes and neither do most people. So I was finding myself berating me for not being able to be the super woman on the teepee shows or even the person that my single friends are.

I'm not that person. I have a kid. If I want to do this justice, I can't pretend that I can do all the things they can do and all the things my family needs. Sometimes I think I can do it all. I've been giving things up the last couple of years and what I found is that my ex is right. That when I'm in balance I am far more effective. I can't do everything, what I can do, I can do well if I'm not trying to do everything else as well.
dryadgrl: (Default)
I realized recently that my theory about parenting is starting to payoff.

I decided early on, for some reason I don't remember now, that I'd say no to Kiddo the least amount possible. I call it "Why We Let Our Kids Do Weird Things" system of parenting.

I say no when it matters... "No you can't go get hit by that bus." and... "No don't stick that in your ear." Or "Please don't jump off that high thing, I don't have time to take you to the hospital today."

And sometimes I say no for other more selfish reasons, "No you can't build the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks here in this restaurant tonight. I'm too tired" And... "I'd love for you to have a pet, but an alligator is not currently an acceptable pet. Thank you for asking."

Sometimes not saying 'no' meant he's played a lot of video games. He is 12 after all.

At one point when I was worrying about him climbing an especially tall tree a friend said, "You know they generally don't kill themselves - they're quite good at knowing their limits."

After reflecting and reviewing medical bills I discovered that it's true. He's broken a couple of bones, but nothing more serious than that. Quite wise actually considering the possibilities of a very adventurous small child.

So I started saying 'no' less about semi-dangerous, non-lethal things, like surfboarding and zip lines and fire starting (well some fires).

Instead, I stare vigilantly in the other direction until the urge to hurl myself at him to force him to stop subsides. It almost always does. Sometimes I even have the guts to engage and support him.

At some point, while standing next to another parent, my son came and asked me a question. I call it a boundary question. Things like, "Can I have a 4th doughnut?" Or "Can I stay up until 2 in the morning tonight?" Questions where it's clear to me that he wants a boundary that he cannot do himself. And I gave it to him.

He was delighted and gave me hug. I don't think Kiddo realized why, but he was glad for my support in that way.

The other parent was more than a little mystified.

I realized that because I don't tell my son no when it's for reasons that are solely about me like image or vanity or what society says that he trusts my decisions and actively wants my support. It's a little shocking. Isn't this supposed to be the age where kids decide you're a dork or a jerk and abandon you for life?

I guess it's still possible. But at 12 I was really done with my parents.

Another wise friend said to me recently, "My parents never asked my opinion about shit." Referring of course to the idea that there was little communication, not that they had bathroom issues. I hadn't thought about it that way (and am so glad to be many years past potty training).

It's true. My parents didn't ask me my opinions about things that effected me. I eventually was forceful enough to make my own decisions. And that was it's own disaster.

The result is that my son is helpful. He's super engaged in the world, when allowed to follow his own path. He has enough insight to want to choose homeschool rather than public school and wants to live in the woods as much as possible. I didn't say no.

Now he's creating his own curriculum. He's learning about gardening and ecosystems and computers. Other people like him and want to help him. *I* like him.

Weird, huh?
dryadgrl: (Default)
Saturday my son stated making these little creatures at pagan fest - the booth next to us had supplies set out and he just sat down and started making things all on his own.

That progressed to making things and giving them away. Then he got the idea from somewhere to sell them at the Ball. So he not only made a bunch and sold them, but gave the profits to the fundraiser for Witchlets.

It's the first time that he's doing something like that. I feel like my parenting and community work is paying off in my son enjoying contributing to our community.

I'm so proud of him. So so so proud.

Yay

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