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[personal profile] dryadgrl
We all have ways that we sabotage our success. I know that dealing with food is on my list. The thyroid meds helped immensely helping me remember to eat because I actually get hungry.
Yesterday I did a big piece of self care.
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She would have been 67.
Yesterday morning I found out that my friend Stacy also lost her battle to cancer.
In the morning I was having insane cravings for chocolate and things I don't usually consider food like twinkies and I could just feel a binge coming on. And when I found out about Stacy I thought it would going to get out of control.

I decided to stop the cleanse I've been on this month, stop for the whole day and consume anything I wanted to. Anything. I just knew that I wasn't going to be able to stick to the cleanse and I didn't want to berate myself as well as having a binge. And my friend Alanna reminded me that tomorrow is a new day. So I decided to give myself a break.
It turns out it wasn't as bad as I feared.
I made a really powerful choice for myself that gave me permission. I wanted nachos so I went and got them. They weren't that great. I went to Tarita's place and had a barbecue with folks.  I did have a piece of cake and I did eat turkey burger patties with bacon. And I did eat potato chips. But that's not terrible actually.
I did get intoxicated which is unusual for me. But I came home and was in bed before midnight. I'm a little hung over today which is usual for more than a little intoxicated (and why I don't normally do this thing.) I didn't eat 3 deserts or over eat.  I actually feel like I did well with food. Not ideal. But  on a day when - by all rights - I should be eating through the refrigerator, eating all the things and blowing up with self hate,  eating what everyone else ate is a fine thing to do.

We'll see how today is - grief is not a one shot deal. But I feel better about taking care of myself.
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dryadgrl

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