Aug. 27th, 2017 10:48 pm
dryadgrl: (Default)
Since I've been home from my magical week in the woods I've been in a very slow place. Deep, not in the down exactly, but metabolizing my power, and open to what comes. Tonight, after 3.5 years, I finally read my mom's obituary. Even though we had a difficult relationship, I was the one of her daughters that did her eulogy at the funeral because I've always been the strong one. The one that stuffs it down so that we can cope. The one that says the thing that needs to be said.

I decided that I'd speak only truth. That she has good things about her, that we had a sometimes difficult relationship. That she was ill my whole life. That I loved her. I decided that it was important to honor myself in the telling. It was all that I could do to write it and speak it.

And the depth of my grief flowed out. Once out, I did not want to revisit it. After a few months of grieving, hard and harder and deep, I put it all away. I stopped watching sad things, I would just not open any piece of that because it felt so incredibly raw and... dangerous. I felt like if I touched it I would never stop grieving. But tonight I happened across my aunt (her sister's) obit because I was looking at family stuff and thinking about love and legacy and power. And so I decided to read it. I remember vaguely helping my sister write it.

I realized that I didn't want to read it because it would mean that it was over. Even though our relationship was hard. Even though we fought. Even though she was a drunk. Even though I was angry. She was gone and it was done. Forever. It's going to be 4 years this Thanksgiving that I had to pull the plug on my mom's life support and I finally feel done. The cycle is complete; I am free to be as sad or as joyful as I really, truly am.
dryadgrl: (Default)
The 5's are so dark feeling. But the 5's feel like they are darker than others. But what I found when I stepped in was a perspective shifts. Each of the meditations was quite different from what the cards show. There's more, more depth. A wider view.

It can be the step before it improves.
dryadgrl: (Default)
So the recipe is...

*1 part beeswax (which for me was 1/2 cup)
*3 parts calendula essential oil (grapeseed oil base) (in this case 1.5 c)
*30-40 drops lavender essential oil (which is very strong)
***1/8 part St. John's Wort herbal oil (from Gathering Thyme)
***Arnica herbal oil (1/8c maybe - this one was also in the last recipe, but not in the notes for some reason and this time I made my own again in grapeseed oil)
SUBBed for 1/4 c straight grapeseed oil because bad planning.
*1.5 part avocado butter (1/2 c)
*10 drops Frankincense essential oil (YL)
*10 drop roman chamomile

That's what we did this time. It's a bit flexi sometimes because of what's on hand.

Body love

Jun. 27th, 2017 09:48 am
dryadgrl: (Default)
Body Love: Body stuff is hard. As one of my amazing friends said yesterday: "I cringe at the users who celebrate fat loss as though it's a moral imperative, but I also understand that the culture we swim in is toxic about body image. Every person who unconsciously associates their body changes to being a 'better' person, is buying into that toxicity, consciously or not."

Body love for me is being free of harm, free of judgement and free of other's looks, words and actions. It would make my life easier if I didn't have to pretend to be ok with what people say about my body or their body.

It would make food easier if I could really eat what I want without inter or external judgement.

Food is hard.
Body stuff is hard.

Just please stop being asshats about weight and conflating weight and health or weight and being a good person.
dryadgrl: (Default)
Here are some rails for writing fear inventory that will actually take you into your minds tricksy ways and help me understand my fears and how they are effecting me.

Technical Fouls:

1. Don't write on things that are "coming at you." Or what other people are doing. Focus on what you have agency over.

2. Get specific. Stop the high level of abstraction... "If that were true, then what." What's the evidence of that that thing you're afraid of?

3. Avoid looking at it laterally - move down the thread
4. Avoid changing topics
5. Avoid future or past
6. Avoid generalizing and
7. Look at not beating yourself up
8. Avoid coaching yourself.
Avoid I don't know or I can't.

Hints that you're about to be on the spot:
If you're going in a circle, in a drain, you're off the spot. The mind is insulating itself from the thing.

Or it will look at the same topic from the different angle.

Or you'll start coaching yourself.

That means that right before you did that you were getting somewhere.

Example: "I have fear that I am using chaos and slowness so that there was chaotic thing and then we can't do this thing.

"I have fear that I cannot do this alone."

Don't use anything that's more than about 3 days old
You can't touch a memory without altering it. Your memories are nothing like what happened. It's harder to get vigilant with things that are older than a few days.

Avoid jargon in your inventory.

(a level 2 thing)
Fear Inventory is a really useful tool for bringing to light this thing that human minds do when there's something I don't want to wrestle with, deal with, as a means of insulating myself... I'll make a binary.

This situation is either absolutely this way or that way. Other things are impossible.

Corollary: if this, then that.

We are looking to make meaning. "If it's new then it's incorrect." "If it's this then it's wrong." Or right

Fear is useful to bring that out into the light. What's the seed of the thing? Why did you make that decision or judgement?

In Fear Inventory we can bring that to light. We can then decide if there are other possibilities. Yes or no is a good answer.

They might decide, "yeah I want to keep that one." You have the opportunity with the option of honoring that process. Trust that.

Set a timer.
If you always do 15-20 minutes, try an hour. Try an hour every day for awhile. Look at your energy accounting - how much time do you spend on your crazy

Not just when you're upset - write when well so that you can take a look

Must read it. Without back story or context. Hearing yourself say it changes what's goig on in the mind.

Don't replace it with other practices like desire or gratitude practice.


Apr. 22nd, 2017 08:38 am
dryadgrl: (Default)
Thursday night I watched Frank Warren of Post Secret do a presentation (and then I met him - that was super fun!)

It was all about secrets

He talked about secrets being the current of intimacy.

That really struck me.

It had me think about relationship and about how I want to tell him all the things. It had me think about my mom and my family and who I want to be closer to and how I can share things and hear their sharing in order to create intimacy.

"There are the secrets we keep from others and the secrets we keep from ourselves." Frank Warren

I have more thinking to do about secrets for sure!
dryadgrl: (Default)
People talk about this a lot in personal growth circles.

It's definitely a thing to pay attention to: all growth happens in discomfort.

Don't believe me? Try this exercise.

Grab a sheet of paper and make a list of things that were once hard and are now easy.

Start from the time you were young and move forward. It might look like this:

It was once hard to walk, but now it's easy
It was once hard to read, but now it's easy and I do it all day long
It was once hard to dance but I mastered it
I was once scared to drive a car and now I drive daily
I was once scared of sex and now I love it!

And if you notice... all these things are thing I was scared about or had to practice and learn in order to have a thing.

When we were young we knew that we didn't know stuff and people told us we didn't know stuff. Then some how we grew up, got jobs, or started businesses and thought, "I already know that."

That is the trap.

When I can open to the possibility that I don't know it, but that I can learn it, all kinds of things open up for me.
dryadgrl: (love)

Simple Homemade Sunscreen Recipe


  • .4-1.6 oz uncoated, non-nano zinc. Weight will vary based on the level of protection you want (Find it here)

  • Essential oils (optional – but make sure they are not ones that increase photosensitivity!)

  • Iron oxides or cocoa powder for tint (optional) – find pre-blended iron oxide here, find cocoa powder here

Special Equipment:

  • mask (Nanoparticles should not be breathed because of lung damage but I couldn’t find a definitive answer on zinc. I just covered my face with my t-shirt. Okay, I didn’t really, but maybe you should :))


  1. If you’re using my homemade recipe (which is 9 0z. weighed), add the zinc oxide right after you make the lotion. See below for details on how much to add.

  2. If you’re using a pre-made lotion, warm it in a water bath and then add/blend in the zinc oxide in a food processor.

  3. Add essential oils and tint as desired.

  4. How you store depends on the composition of the lotion you used. If it’s premade it probably contains preservatives, so room temp is fine. If it’s coconut oil it will last at room temp for quite awhile, but longer if stored in the fridge. Olive oil tends to go bad quicker than coconut oil, so I’d probably store that in the fridge from day 1. I’m not sure about avocado oil, but I’m thinking fridge. I’ll bet it hardens when it gets cold like coconut oil, though, so you’d want to let it warm up before use).

Deciding How Much Zinc Oxide To Add

Anywhere from 5-20% of the total solution is generally considered to be effective, with 20% having  a higher level of protection. You may find the information below helpful in determining your measurements. I have not tested these ratios in a lab for SPF value.

If you’re looking for moderate protection, measure the lotion you are going to use and then add 10% of it’s weight in zinc oxide.

For example, 8oz. (weighed) of lotion + .8oz of zinc oxide (weighed) = 10% zinc ratio

Or 8 oz (weighed) of lotion + 1.2 oz zinc oxide (weighed) = 15 % zinc ratio

Note: Huge differences in SPF numbers are actually pretty insignificant when it comes to differences in protection. SPF 100 blocks 99 percent of UVB rays, while SPF 50 blocks 98 percent. SPF 30 blocks 96.7 percent, SPF 15 blocks 93%.

dryadgrl: (love)
We all have ways that we sabotage our success. I know that dealing with food is on my list. The thyroid meds helped immensely helping me remember to eat because I actually get hungry.
Yesterday I did a big piece of self care.
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She would have been 67.
Yesterday morning I found out that my friend Stacy also lost her battle to cancer.
In the morning I was having insane cravings for chocolate and things I don't usually consider food like twinkies and I could just feel a binge coming on. And when I found out about Stacy I thought it would going to get out of control.

I decided to stop the cleanse I've been on this month, stop for the whole day and consume anything I wanted to. Anything. I just knew that I wasn't going to be able to stick to the cleanse and I didn't want to berate myself as well as having a binge. And my friend Alanna reminded me that tomorrow is a new day. So I decided to give myself a break.
It turns out it wasn't as bad as I feared.
I made a really powerful choice for myself that gave me permission. I wanted nachos so I went and got them. They weren't that great. I went to Tarita's place and had a barbecue with folks.  I did have a piece of cake and I did eat turkey burger patties with bacon. And I did eat potato chips. But that's not terrible actually.
I did get intoxicated which is unusual for me. But I came home and was in bed before midnight. I'm a little hung over today which is usual for more than a little intoxicated (and why I don't normally do this thing.) I didn't eat 3 deserts or over eat.  I actually feel like I did well with food. Not ideal. But  on a day when - by all rights - I should be eating through the refrigerator, eating all the things and blowing up with self hate,  eating what everyone else ate is a fine thing to do.

We'll see how today is - grief is not a one shot deal. But I feel better about taking care of myself.
dryadgrl: (love)
having someone come in and clean
signing up for shoeboxed
updating my food log
not killing the kitten that woke me early.
got through to the bed people about replacement box springs
went to doctor
kept up with Dose of Love
date with Robert
Date with Ed
mood mostly stable - even though I haven't been able to exercise enough.
open IRS mail even though it makes me worried
getting the blog updated with past posts
on all coaching calls. No skipping out or shutting down
all the emails are ready for upcoming modules
feeling like I'm making progress.
set up all the hootsuite posts.
Examining my boundaries.
dryadgrl: (love)
This recipe is very astringent... I'm not sure how good it would feel.  But raw honey is a great way to deal with wounds.


[H]erbal raw honey ointment…nothing is as powerful to encourage skin healing like raw honey! Combined with medicinal herbs and bursting with antibacterial and antiseptic properties, this ointment is a must-have in everyone’s first aid kit.

Just wait until you try it! One use is all you need in order to see its’ amazing effects…you won’t want to be without it.

And a little goes a long way.

Benefits of the Ingredients

The beauty of making our own medicinal salves at home is the ability we possess to control the ingredients. I will share with you my recipe, but as always…feel free to let your creativity and wisdom regarding medicinal herbs guide you.

This honey-based ointment’s powerhouse ingredients include…

  • Olive oil. Full of vitamins A, D, E and K, olive oil nourishes the skin for fast healing.

  • Comfrey. Encourages the reproduction of cells therefore working to support the mending of sprains, bruises, swellings, burns and sores.

  • Marshmallow root. A wonderful anti-inflammatory herb that will also soften and soothe the skin. Likewise, it’s great for burn and wound healing as it contains large amounts of zinc and vitamin A.

  • Wormwood. Reduces the effects of soreness and pain.

  • Witch hazel bark. It’s anti-inflammatory and astringent properties are excellent for treatment of blisters, burns, cuts and wounds.

  • Raw, all-natural honey. Raw honey provides the base of this ointment and is a well-known antibacterial agent. Honey is also highly nourishing, often reducing the risk for infection and scarring.

…and we use it for the treatment of:

-1st or 2nd degree skin burns
-Minor wounds
-Chapped skin and lips

The Recipe


-1/4 ounce of each dried comfrey, marshmallow root, wormwood, and witch hazel bark*
-1 1/4 cup olive oil
-4 ounces raw honey*
-1-2 ounces beeswax*
*All measurements are by weight and use of a simple kitchen scale.


1. Weigh the dried herbs using a kitchen scale.

2. Prepare the oil infusion. You can do this one of three ways:

  • Cold Infusion.In a glass mason jar, cover the weighed herbs with 1 ¼ cup of oil. Stir to combine, and allow oil and herb mixture to steep for 4-6 weeks.

  • Hot Oil Extract. In a glass mason jar, cover the herbs with 1 ¼ cup of oil. Stir to combine. Place the glass jar in a pot on the stove, or in a crock pot, filled with a few inches of water on lowest setting (Be sure to put a towel on the bottom of the pot.). Infuse the oil and herbs for 4-8 hours, a day, or up to 3 days. Note: Watch the pot and add water as it evaporates.

  • Alternatively. According to Rosemary Gladstar, you may also do it this way; “Place the herbs and the oil in a double boiler and bring to a low simmer. Slowly heat for 30 to 60 minutes, checking frequently to be sure the oil is not overheating.”

3. Strain the oil and herb infusion through a cheesecloth. Squeezing to extract as much oil as possible. Be sure you collect at least 1 cup of herb infused oil.

4. In a saucepan, over very low heat, melt 1-2 ounces (depending on how thick you’d like your salve) of beeswax. I suggest starting with the lesser amount of wax and adding more if needed. Note: To check if the mixture is the right consistency, because the salve hardens as it cools, Rosemary Gladstar again suggests placing a “tablespoon of the mixture in the freezer for just a minute or two. If it’s soft, add more beeswax; if too hard, add more oil.”

5. Allow salve to cool on the counter. As it hardens, begin to stir with an electric stick blender until creamy and smooth.

6. Continue to stir with stick blender until salve is cooled to approximately 90-100 degrees fahrenheit. Then add raw honey. Blend well.

7. Pour ointment into storage containers –  click here to purchase new tins or jars…otherwise a good ole mason jar works just fine! Will keep for a year when stored in a cool, dark place.

To use: Apply directly to a clean burn, blister, or wound and bandage as you normally would.

dryadgrl: (love)
There's a great one that I get from Lush and it looks like here's a recipe that I want to try for foot things..


1/8 Cup Cocoa Butter
1/2 teaspoon Beeswax
1 1/8 Cup Refined Shea Butter
1/4 Cup Aloe Butter
1/8 Cup Avocado Oil
1/8 Cup Liquid Vegetable Glycerin
1 Tablespoon Vitamin E Oil
1 teaspoon Tea Tree Oil
1 1/2 Tablespoons Lavender or Lavender 40/42 Essential Oil
1 teaspoon Peppermint Essential Oil
1 Tablespoon Mountain Rose Herbs Restorative Skin Oil
Melt the butters and beeswax over low heat on the stove or at half power in the microwave just until melted. Mix well, then stir in the remaining ingredients. Whip in a blender or using a hand blender. Pour evenly into four 4oz. plastic or glass jars. Allow to cool and harden completely, about two days. For a thicker cream, double your amounts of cocoa butter and/or beeswax.
dryadgrl: (love)


-1 ounce (approx. 2 tablespoons) olive oil infused with calendula flowers, chickweed, nettle leaf, lemon balm leaf, plantain leaf, and goldenseal root
-1 ounce (approx. 2 tablespoons) Shea butter
-1 ounce (approx. 2 tablespoons) cocoa butter
-1 ounce (approx 2 tablespoons) beeswax
-1 teaspoon Neem oil
-2 teaspoons essential oil blend (You can use a blend of clove, lavender, rosemary, peppermint, tea tree and/or ginger)

1Tblspoon calendula oil
1Tblspoon chickweedoil
2 tblsp beeswax
basil essential oil
malaluca essential oil (tea tree oil)
couple of drops of frankincense oil

dryadgrl: (love)


-1 ounce (approx. 2 tablespoons) olive oil infused with calendula flowers, chickweed, nettle leaf, lemon balm leaf, plantain leaf, and goldenseal root
-1 ounce (approx. 2 tablespoons) Shea butter
-1 ounce (approx. 2 tablespoons) cocoa butter
-1 ounce (approx 2 tablespoons) beeswax
-1 teaspoon Neem oil
-2 teaspoons essential oil blend (You can use a blend of clove, lavender, rosemary, peppermint, tea tree and/or ginger)


1. Infuse your oil with the herbs (Read more here to learn how to make an herb infused oil).

2. In a double boiler, or small pot, over very low heat slowly melt the olive oil, butters, beeswax, and neem oil.

3. Once melted remove from heat and allow to cool slightly before adding the essential oils.

4. Pour mixture into a clean roll-up or lip balm tube and allow it to cool on the counter overnight.


-This Homemade Itch Relief Stick contains herbs that have been well-known for their strong antihistamine, analgesic, and antibacterial properties. Not only will this stick stop the itch, but it may reduce the risk for infection! Bonus!

-The butters act as skin protectants to provide instant relief of itchiness and pain due to all sorts of insect bites and stings.

-This recipe makes quite a bit — approximately 4 ounces of product — so go in with a friend or two and share resources!

dryadgrl: (love)

Edit: Just pour the stuff into the deodorent containers. If you wait until it's congelaed, it's much harder. But also make sure to use a whisk to integrate the powders. Otherwise you get chunks. "Stirring" gets you a mess.

I also reduced the beeswax a bit to just under 1/2c. Otherwise these are, as my son puts it, "underarm hair removal sticks." Too sticky.
I'm not sure why it says to let it cool to get it into containers. I think that might be about making sure it doesn't break if you fill it to a line and then try to top it off. But I'm going to guess that if you fill it all the way up when it's liquid it should be fine. If it's cool enough to put essential oils into (which means warm but not hot to touch) it should be fine to pour into containers.

The Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup coconut oil

  • 1/2 cup shea butter, cocoa butter or mango butter (or a mix of all three equal to 1 part)

  • 1/2 cup + 1 tsp  beeswax

  • Optional: Vitamin E oil to preserve. I added 1 tsp vitamin E oil for  this recipe)

  • 3 tablespoons baking soda (Omit this if you have sensitive skin and just use extra arrowroot)

  • 1/2 cup organic arrowroot powder

  • 2-3 capsules of high quality probiotics that don’t need to be refrigerated (I love Bio Kult brand)

  • Optional: Essential oils of choice – I used about 20 drops of lavender essential oil (I actually used about 12 drops of lavendar and about a ts of vanilla fragrance oil)

This recipe can be adjusted to make any quantity that you’d like by increasing the amount of ingredients used. This batch made enough deodorant for my husband and I for about 2-3 months. You could also cut the recipe in half if you want to make a smaller amount.

How to Make:

Combine coconut oil, shea (or other) butter, and beeswax in a double boiler, or a glass bowl over a smaller saucepan with 1 inch of water in it. UPDATE: Combine in a quart size glass mason jar with a lid instead and place this in a small saucepan of water until melted. This will save your bowl and you can just designate this jar for these type of projects and not even need to wash it out…

Turn the burner on and bring water to a boil. Stir ingredients constantly until they are melted and smooth:

Remove from heat and add the vitamin E oil, baking soda, arrowroot powder, probiotics, and essential oils. Make sure the mixture is not hot to the touch (warm is ok) so that the heat doesn’t kill the probiotics.

Gently stir by hand until all ingredients are incorporated.

If you will be making these into bars, pour into muffin tins or other molds while still liquid. If you will be putting into an old deodorant container to use like stick deodorant, let the mixture harden for about 15-20 minutes at room temperature to harden and when it is about the consistency of peanut butter, use a spoon to scoop into the deodorant tube and pack down to fill. Then, leave the cap off overnight to completely harden before using.

dryadgrl: (love)
I'm about to try this recipe as soon as I have the last two ingredients:

It looks awesome!
dryadgrl: (love)
Today I did manage to run the dishwasher and
put away a quarter of the huge box of Xmas presents
I did a lot of things in Kiddo's room
gave Angel the cat flea meds
fed Henrietta and Angel
Snuggled baby kitten
played with big cat
watched tv
had date and sex with E (twice!)
paid Pg+E bill
looked at vm on google voice
eat teeth gum (hey, every bit helps)
put flea meds on Angel the Cat
went grocery shopping
made french onion dip without a package of mix
pet the kitten more
watched Big Bang Theory
took a shower
played with the kitten.
dryadgrl: (love)
Made a tea for moderating hormones and in general increase stamina and an immune tonic

Schisandra berries
powdered vanilla beans
angelica root
nettle leaf

It's about equal schisandra and nettle by weight with 1/4 angelica and 1/8 vanilla bean.

This time I tried making a tea that was good for you and yummy.

It has a bit of a sweet taste and I really like it. It might be good to put more schisandra in it.

Lip balm

Dec. 20th, 2013 10:55 pm
dryadgrl: (love)
1/4 c beeswax
1/2 c calendula in grapeseed oil
1/4c avocado butter
2 heaping Tbl spoon emulsifying wax
1tbls honey
1tsp sweetener

I split it into pieces to do different flavors - citrus bliss, root beer, mint and honey.
dryadgrl: (love)
Ed says my mom is having a "come to Jesus" moment.


dryadgrl: (Default)

August 2017



RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Aug. 22nd, 2017 06:19 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios